There were lots of false starts along the way.
I’ve wanted to start blogging for over three years, but something always stopped me. For someone who is an inherently shy and intensely private person, a public blog is sort of the equivalent to stripping down naked and running across the field during the Super Bowl. In the middle of the half-time show. One week after giving birth. After eating three burritos.
In other words: putting my words out there for anyone to potentially read them is anxiety-inducing to say the least. But I am trying harder to conquer my fears these days and get over my phobias. To leave my comfort zone. I mean, after all, how presumptuous would it be to assume anyone would ever read the words I write here anyhow?
Something about blogging always struck me as slightly narcissistic at the core. The very premise consists of writing about your life with the thought that it might be interesting enough for others to want to read about it. My fear of ever coming across as self-important also diverted my attempts at blogging. I am self-deprecating to a fault. I cringe at anything that would ever come across as haughty. I have a soft spot for humility and run for the hills when I smell narcissism. Maybe because I’ve always been surrounded by people with egos large enough to sit next to them in the passenger seat. After all, I’ve made a career working in television (an industry not really lacking in the inflated ego department). Yet, I have always gladly played the supporting role. It’s a part I’m very comfortable with. But, again, time to leave the comfort zone, as cozy as it might be here, sipping tea in our jammies in front of the fireplace.
So here I am. Slowly peeling the clothes off. Letting my words run wild across the page.
My loves, my heart, my three wild things, they are the boys who fill my days, who feed a large portion of my soul. They will be written about with pseudonyms, yet to be determined. For now, they are 6, 2 and 6 months. They are two Virgos and a Libra. They are equal parts joy and pain, bitter and sweet, yin and yang. They challenge me. They teach me. Mostly about patience and unconditional love.
They are the best gifts ever bestowed upon me. And on this journey, my only hope is that I can do right by them.