Introducing…Copeland!

Back in July, I photographed and interviewed beautiful pregnant mama-to-be, Audrey. She told the story of her and her husband’s four-year struggle to get pregnant, resulting in their journey with IVF in which Audrey ultimately became pregnant with a baby boy. Well, I’m happy to announce that baby boy arrived on August 25th, weighing in at 7 pounds, 13 oz.

They gave him the name they’d planned for him all along: Copeland Michael.

Isn’t he so handsome? I think he looks just like his mommy.

In Audrey’s own words:

“It was the most incredible and amazing thing I have ever done in my life. I am really loving every second with Copeland and with being a new mom.”

I haven’t met precious Copeland yet, but I hope to. I’m so overjoyed for Audrey and her husband Scott. They went through so much to bring their baby into the world. And now he’s here and he’s perfect.

Dreams really do come true.

Meet Audrey: 34 Weeks

Audrey is the second mama-to-be in the pregnancy series I’ll periodically feature in this space. She’s a 33-year-old teacher living in Los Angeles with her husband of five years, Scott, and their adorable dog, Arizona. Soon, they’ll meet the newest member of their family – a baby girl or boy – who is set to arrive around the end of August!

Tattooed on the inside of Audrey’s left wrist, in bold blue letters with serifs, is the single word, “Surrender.” It serves as a fitting reminder that in life there are some things you just can’t plan and having children is one of them. An admitted Type-A personality, Audrey is the kind of woman who plans and is accustomed to working hard to achieve the goals she sets for herself. But her four-year struggle to conceive a baby with her husband sent her on an unexpected journey that tested her will and taught her lessons along the way —  most importantly, to surrender — to learn to give in when life has other plans for you. That sometimes in life, you can’t always plan.

Audrey and her husband, a musician, decided not to know the sex of their baby and neither has a preference — they’re both simply elated that they’ve come this far and whether they’ll welcome their Copeland Michael if a boy or Bernice Lee if a girl next month, makes no difference at all. Because they’re finally having the baby they’ve dreamed of for years.

I sat down with Audrey recently in her sunny hillside home, where an airy, gender-neutral nursery with cheery green walls adorned with alphabet cards strung along on clothespins, awaits her precious baby. She discussed her difficulties in getting pregnant, suffering two miscarriages along the way and how ultimately turning to IVF helped her conceive the life she’s happily carrying now.

Tell me about your journey with fertility struggles and IVF.

My husband and I had been married for a year and I went off the pill right before we got engaged. We knew we wanted to start a family right away. Both of us were ready. At least in our minds we were ready, but physically and financially we definitely weren’t ready. We tried to conceive for a year and we weren’t having any success. My husband also traveled a ton — he was always on the road — and so it never really worked out for us.

So we tried IUI, which is intrauterine insemination. We tried two rounds of that. One round on our own and then one round with Clomid, which is a drug that helps you drop multiple eggs to increase your chances of the sperm fertilizing an egg.

That was unsuccessful and very stressful also, just very hard. Because when you want something so badly and you see everyone else around you that has it and you hear stories about how easy it was for them to get pregnant, it’s just hard.

So we decided after that, because it’s really expensive and insurance doesn’t cover any of it — this is all out of pocket — let’s just stop. You know, what’s the point? We just quit trying and I let go of it. I finally just said I’m done and I gave up. I’m done trying.

So we went on with our lives and six months later I took a pregnancy test and — sure enough — I was pregnant.

When I let it go, it happened naturally.

So you knew you could get pregnant.

Yes, and of course, my husband and I were elated. We called both of our parents. I was dreadfully sick. All day sickness. Scott was on the road, so I was pretty much alone for the first trimester. Then they discovered my fetus had no heartbeat. I was shocked. I carried until 11 ½ weeks. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, I was totally by myself. When you try for something and then you get what you want and all of a sudden it’s taken away from you, it’s just devastating.

A few months later we started trying again. The first couple of months, it didn’t happen, we weren’t getting pregnant and I was going to just let it go again. I had that physical feeling of just letting go.

Six months later, I got pregnant again, naturally.

And then, I’m visiting my mom for the weekend and I’m driving on the 101 and I get rear-ended driving 75 miles an hour on the freeway. Of course I was traumatized. I’m eight weeks along at this point. I didn’t go to the hospital the first night, because I wasn’t injured, but everyone said to go to the hospital. I went to the hospital and we saw the heartbeat but it was low. I went home and had an appointment the next day with my doctor and there was no heartbeat.

How did that second miscarriage affect you emotionally?

It was horrible. I was upset, I felt defeated, I felt “Why me?” Regardless of how little your fetus is, the second you find out you’re pregnant, it’s a baby, regardless if it’s at the blueberry stage or the grapefruit stage — whatever that baby bump is — it’s yours.

I went through a couple months where I hated every pregnant woman I saw. I had to go to therapy because I found I was angry at people I didn’t even know, resentful of women.

So in December of 2011, after continuing for almost another year trying to get pregnant, you and Scott decided to start IVF. What was that process like?

It was actually the most amazing and non-stressful experience ever. You do the research and it’s so structured. You immediately start injecting yourself with drugs so basically what you’re doing is getting follicles to produce in your ovaries to where the eggs are then going to mature within those follicles.

So you’re developing these eggs for about two weeks and [the doctor] does an ultrasound and you count how many follicles you’re producing. After about two weeks you start talking about the day you’ll go in for egg retrieval. She’s checking your estrogen, your progesterone. And then you take drugs to help mature the eggs as well.

I’m an anomaly because I wasn’t getting pregnant, got pregnant naturally twice, miscarried twice and then didn’t get pregnant.

Describe the egg-retrieval process.

It’s a half-hour procedure and the doctor removes all the eggs from the follicles. I produced 27 eggs. I mean, I could have donated my eggs! What they do is put the eggs and the sperm in these Petri dishes and they hope they find each other. So then you wait five days. 23 of the 27 eggs fertilized! We had five that they picked out. We chose to implant two, because if we did three, there was a chance of having triplets — if we had done all five –there’s a chance of having five babies!

I was on bed rest for five days.  And basically I just had to take it easy. My hormone levels dropped drastically. I wasn’t producing estrogen or progesterone. So now I’m taking estrogen orally, progesterone orally and doing intramuscular shots too.

And then one day, after leaving my doctor, I’m walking to my car and she calls me and she says, “I just wanted to tell you you’re pregnant!” I started bawling. “You’re kidding?” I’m pregnant?” First round, first everything. Scott was at work and I called him right away and told him. It was the best feeling ever. I called my mom, my dad and my brother. We technically conceived December 9^th, 2011.

Now that you’re this far along in your pregnancy, is your mind more at ease?

It was probably at about six months that I felt like I could really let myself get excited about it. I still wake up in the middle of the night and I’m 34 weeks now and if I haven’t felt the baby move I’m like “Come on baby, move!” And then the baby does.

What has been the best aspect of your pregnancy so far?

Watching my husband so excited about the baby. He talks to my belly and he tries to wake the baby up all the time. I actually enjoy being pregnant. I’m sharing my body with another human being and it’s so beautiful. That’s why I don’t care what sex it is, just that I’m pregnant and I’ve come this far and I get to be a mom and that I’m actually getting something that I know I was supposed to do. It’s just an amazing feeling!

Meet Nina: 32 Weeks

I thought it would be fun and interesting to do a periodic series on pregnant women in this space. I’ve always been fascinated by pregnancy and since I’m not currently pregnant myself (phew), I figured I’d just find some fabulous pregnant women to interview and feature through their words and photos – and of course, follow up with them after their adorable babies are born.

Because who doesn’t love photos of delicious newborns?

First up is Nina, who originally hails from Finland. She is a genuinely sweet, warm soul with a calm, steady demeanor, a charming Finnish accent and a contagious laugh. She also makes a mean voileipäkakku, which is a Nordic “sandwich” cake and a Finnish rhubarb tart that is to die for. I met Nina about two years ago at one of our favorite local parks while I was out with my boys and she was with the little girl she was caring for as a nanny. She’d recently moved to Southern California by way of a Minneapolis suburb and knew very few people in the area. We became fast friends and I could tell she genuinely loved children and had such a natural way with them. Flash forward to today and, not surprisingly, she has a wide circle of friends, is now married to her 7-years-younger sweetheart, Alfredo, and is currently 32 weeks pregnant with their first baby. She doesn’t know the sex of the baby yet, but she’s really excited to find out when their little bundle arrives in July.

So, without further ado, the lovely Nina:

Where did you grow up and what motivated you to come to the U.S.?

I grew up in Helsinki, the capital of Finland. I got interested in traveling and different cultures and learning new languages from very early on. My mom and dad would take me and my brother on trips around Europe that got me really excited about the idea of experiencing something for a longer term and at the age of 20 I came to the U.S., to Minnesota, to a suburb of Minneapolis, and I went there to work as an au pair for a year.

Had you always loved children and known that’s what you wanted to do as a career?

It was actually never a thought for me that I would have it as a profession or as a career. However, I had always loved kids, enjoyed being around kids, I’d always babysat a lot for neighbor’s kids or family’s, that kind of thing. The au pair program presented the perfect opportunity to experience another country, another culture, being immersed into the family life, while doing something that I really enjoyed, which is taking care of kids.

What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned on the job caring for kids and what will you bring to the table as a mother yourself now?

I think the first experience as an au pair was very different in that I was a lot younger, I was only 20 and I showed up into a strange country, by myself, I was living in a strange environment in the middle of strangers and suddenly, I had a full-time responsibility of three girls. The youngest one was a few months under 2 and then the others were 4 and 6.

They were really young, and I was young, but I felt that worked out really well because I had a lot of energy and that definitely taught me the importance of patience and just going on the terms of the children. But at the same time, how important it is to have structure and discipline.

Do you think you’ll be a strong disciplinarian?

It’s hard to guess, but my ideal is to be as consistent as possible. That’s one thing I’ve learned, if you do what you say you’re going to do, that’ll take you really far with kids and build the trust between you and them and they know that what you say is how it’s going to be. I think it just brings a lot of security into children.

I’ve also noticed there’s a lot of controversy about discipline nowadays I think because people tend to connect discipline with punishment very easily, especially in the Western cultures, they are afraid many times of the term discipline or to discipline their children, thinking that it’s something bad for their children and they want to be loving parents and they don’t want to punish their children. Whereas in my mind those are two completely separate issues.

Is it different in Finland, in terms of how people approach childrearing and discipline?

When it comes to discipline, we’re pretty much in the same boat. It’s just a general trend in the Western societies where kids tend to rule the house. I grew up in an environment where there were never really any harsh punishments or anything like that. My mom and dad were both very fun-loving parents. But at the same time, we learned manners, respect. We would never leave the dinner table without thanking our mom, taking the dishes to the kitchen and that’s really something I want to bring into my family as well. And also the notion of everybody participating.

What else do you think you’ll bring from your Finnish culture and how you were raised as a child, into your own family?

A love of nature, a love of traveling. I think by and large, Finnish people are very much nature-people and enjoy the outdoors and we even, in Finland, our children, much of the day, will sleep outdoors. Even in the wintertime when it’s cold and there’s snow, the babies are bundled up and they’ll sleep outside in the fresh air.

Wow! Just for fun or is there some kind of meaning behind that?

Just the fact that outdoor air is more clean and fresh than indoor air.

So the parents will sleep outside with the baby?

No, this is only the baby, during naptime. The parents will do chores inside the house. Which of course brings the issue of safety, because that would never happen in the U.S.

Is there more of a freedom and a sense of faith and trust in community in Finland?

It’s more relaxed. Of course you worry about the safety of your children no matter where you are, but there’s the idea that you can leave your child in your own backyard or patio in a bassinet or stroller and nothing’s going to happen. And of course, they take advantage of monitors in case the baby wakes up.

What are your fondest memories of growing up in Finland?

I think having a little more relaxed environment where we would just gather, me and my brother and the neighborhood kids and we would just play for hours outside. I mean, I can’t remember any times where we’d spend time indoors or playing video games or anything like that, it was just running around and climbing trees and outdoors. Summer or winter.

Of course times have changed, whether it’s in Finland or the U.S., but that’s my ideal picture for my children too that they would appreciate nature and appreciate outdoors and being active and having fun without staring at the screen.

What has been the biggest discomfort in your pregnancy so far?

Probably the carpal tunnel syndrome has been the biggest one, giving me trouble sleeping at night. Sometimes I have massive nerve pain that goes from the tip of my fingers all the way to the top of my shoulders.

In the beginning, I had — not really morning sickness — but all day sickness for a couple months where I’d literally walk into Trader Joe’s holding a plastic bag under my chin. I wasn’t even throwing up. I think it might have been even worse than throwing up because I was on the verge of throwing up the whole day and just gagging and having a sweaty forehead and that really, really nauseous feeling.

But I do remember one time at Trader Joe’s where I walked past the meat aisle and I started gagging really bad. Just the smell and the look of it was so repulsive to me, I had to run outside into the parking lot and I was leaning onto a tree and throwing up and this poor lady came out of her car to see if she could call somebody for me (laughs).

Have you had any cravings?

My first crazy, crazy craving in the beginning of my pregnancy, I would say it started in the very first month, I could have eaten bags and bags of tangerines. I would go to the store and I would see a bag of tangerines and my eyes would start glowing and my mouth would start watering. I think that was my biggest craving. Then once I got over the all day sickness period, after that I got a craving for burgers, like junk food.

Have you pretty much indulged in all your cravings?

I guess you kind of give yourself permission to do that. But I kind of learned the hard way because I had been loving ice cream so much like caramel truffle and black raspberry with dark chocolate. But now I’m kind of paying for it.

Anything taking you by surprise in this pregnancy?

I suppose all these different strange bodily feelings. You just don’t know about it and you don’t really know what it’s going to feel like until you feel it. I’ve had the nastiest acid reflux where I wake up in the middle of the night with acids in my mouth like I’m going to choke and I start coughing really hard. I had that for a couple of months where it was really bad where I felt like anything I ate – I’d put an apple in my mouth — and I’d get heartburn. Now it’s just been occasional and I throw in a couple of Tums and it’s okay.

 Any anxieties you’re nervous about in terms of the birth and beyond?

At this point, it’s looking to be that my baby is going to be really big, I have to say that’s the scary part for me, that I’m afraid of having a difficult birth, you know, working to get a big baby out. But beyond that, I don’t know, I just don’t know how to be really worried or afraid. And I also have a strong feeling nature will take care of things to where they’re supposed to go. And I have confidence in myself as a parent.

I feel like even if I won’t be a super mom, I will at least be a good enough mom.